Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Party Crashers: A Guide to Success

Looking for a good time? Here are some amusing tips from Fresh Writing to make the best of any party. It made me laugh a lot and as I read this, I thought to myself that it was too funny to not include in my blog. Hope you enjoy it.

1.  If you are young, and happen to be visiting a party, someone will inevitably come up and say, “gosh, you look so much older!”  Respond promptly by saying, “aw!  So do you!”  Smile a dazzling smile and slip into the crowd of socializing partygoers as soon as possible.

2.  Upon someone making a joke, start sneezing as though you have a contagious disease.  Then, as everyone is staring at you, say, “Oh, I’m sorry.  I’m just allergic to crappy comedy.”  Again, either leave the premises or blend into the background promptly.

3.  As someone’s walking by to go to a restroom or other, trip them.  Then, as they spill their drink over themselves as they topple to the ground, yell, “Ghandi!  You’re getting out of control-calm down up there!”  Then run out of the house.

4.  Trip someone deliberately and then say, “OH JEEZ.  THAT’s embarrassing.”  Then calmly walk away from the person.

5.  Toast the birthday person and thank them for paying for the Jacuzzi.  When the birthday chorus breaks out, sing in style of opera: very loudly and obnoxiously.

6.  If someone asks you to babysit children, snort and reply, “You know…STDs make it hurt when you want to pee…”

7.  If someone is going bald, ask them if you could use their beer cozy.  As soon as they ask why or offer their beer cozy, place the beer on the person’s head and walk away.

8.  Offer your number to a lady/guy at the party.  If they reject it, insist.  “No, no I insist- I WANT you to have it- here, I’ll put it in your purse/wallet…no, allow me…” A good way to get a laugh – bring someone to witness the hilarity.

9.  As the traditional tradition goes, spill red wine on a person’s carpet.  Annoying and almost irreversible. 

10.  Lose yourself in a crowd, but not before letting people know what your cellphone number is.  Then change your voice mail to be something related to:  “HELLO?  HELLO?  I CAN”T HEAR YOU-WHERE ARE YOU?  HELLO?”  Record that for five minutes and then say, “oh, right.  That’s because I’m NOT HERE!”  Easily the most annoying and fun thing to watch unfold at a party.  Make sure that you are in an undetectable location and that people are searching for you, however.

11.  If it happens to be St. Patrick's Day and you're not wearing green at the party, a friend will most likely pinch you.  As they run toward you and pinch you (along with saying "April Fools!"), promptly slap them across the face and say, "See?  Even Ghandi plays with fire sometimes..." Then shake your head and walk away from the person.